Image by Marco Buonvino via Flickr

Have you recently had a major change in your life?  A divorce?  A death?  A child leaving home?  Retirement?  The loss of one of your familiar responsibilities?  Major changes such as these can alter who you are and the responsibilities you have.  Even if you have not had a major change, you are most certainly carrying around more than one identity.

So many of us get tied up in our responsibilities that we take our identities from them.  We are always the mother or wife or daughter or nurturing neighbor or committee chairman or working mom or single mom or soccer mom and so on.  And yes, that applies to you men reading this, too.  Men have just as many responsibilities and identities as women.

I was divorced after 38 years of marriage.  My children were grown and gone and I suddenly did not know who I was supposed to be.  It took about a year for the robes of responsibility to begin to come off.  It was very difficult and took many hours of counseling and soul searching.  I knew I was in there but I couldn’t find me and then I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know the real me.

And while I have shed many different robes, often one feels the need to drape itself around me as if to say “wait – don’t you need me?”  It is an ongoing process and just when I think I have made it, I find another robe that must be shed.  I’m getting close to finding the real ME – but one of these robes seems to often hold me back.  Today, though, I am much  lighter of robes and responsibilities to others than I was at the time of that divorce.  I am much more sure of the ME that I am rather than the other identities that I had.

This quote helped me and perhaps it will help you, too.  I am sorry I cannot contribute it to the author, as I do not know who that might be.

” .  .  .  an opportunity to begin to take off the robes of responsibility that have clothed me for so long, to see if I can become lighter and more visible without so many cloaks and garments.  I would like to shed all the layers that no longer fit, that no longer serve me, that prevent me from bringing my naked self to the light.”

Our lives are consumed by our different identities.  Stripping off the robes only brings us closer to who we really are – and then we can be so much more than all those identities we cling to.

What do you think?  Are you ready?  You might be surprised at the real YOU hiding under all those robes of responsibility.

Image by Peta-de-Aztlan via Flickr

How many times have you heard people talking about how they have found their

purpose in life?

And do you chime in and share your purpose?  Or do you just kind of slink into the background because you haven’t a clue what your purpose in life may be.

Finding one’s purpose in life has become a major concern for many people.  In fact, I feel it has been talked about so much that it has led many to feel inferior in the face of all those purposed people.

What does it mean to have a purpose in life? Does it mean that you have accomplished some act that influences the entire world, complete with shooting stars as recognition of what you have done? If that were so, very few of us would ever recognize our true purpose or meaning of our lives.

No, I think our purpose in life is to simply make a difference in another person’s life. Think of all the people you touch in your lifetime. You never know but what you had a large or small impact on someone’s life.

Perhaps it was something you said to them, a gentle touch, a smile, or just listening that made them feel connected.  Visiting the sick, guiding the young, including the aged in your life are only a few of the ways that you show that someone – YOU – care about them. Maybe your actions set an example for someone to follow that helped to improve their life.  And, in most cases, you may never know how much you impacted another’s life.

Perhaps that is the key here – the lack of recognition  for the influence we have in other’s lives.  We don’t feel we are living our purpose because we seldom have knowledge of how we influenced others.  Mother Teresa, of course, is our prime example for influencing the world without expecting recognition and praise.

So don’t go around thinking you have to be magnificent to the whole world. You only need to be magnificent to your neighbor, a co-worker, a stranger and you will have achieved great purpose in your life.

Go out and be purposeful.

Many people are strong believers in the use of Positive Affirmations in their lives.  In spite of, or because of, my training in hypnotherapy and other modalities dealing with the subconscious, I have very mixed feelings about positive affirmations.

Many people have great results – others do not.  Why?  Perhaps those getting good results are the ones who positively believe they work.  Others often hear that little voice in their head say “oh, yeah?’  when they repeat affirmations.

No matter your experience and results, I could not resist this video of Jessica.  She is so full of life and energy that I have no doubt her affirmations work for her.  The second video is a very cool song written just about Jessica.

Enjoy!

Have you tried hypnosis yet? You might refer to my post: Hypnosis – Does It Work? You can learn a few things about hypnosis by reading that.

The problem with hypnosis is that most people do not understand it. They think the hypnotherapist is “controlling” their mind and “forcing” them to do unpleasant things. They are convinced that they can be left in hypnosis – never to come out of it again. They fear being “brainwashed.”

To all of this I say: Hogwash!

Hypnosis is extremely safe. While in a state of hypnosis, you are guided by a hypnotherapist. That hypnotherapist CANNOT force you to do anything you do not want. It is as simple as that.

Then you may ask – what about those people that make fools of themselves on the stage? Chances are, their receptors are wide open and accepting of suggestion and they would likely make fools of themselves without hypnosis.

What Hypnosis Is NOT

Hypnosis is not a truth serum. You can still lie when hypnotized as well as hold back your secrets. You are aware of what is going on.

Hypnosis cannot force you to do anything you would not normally do. If it is suggested you do something outside of your moral code, you will not do it.

You cannot “get stuck” in hypnosis. Again, you are aware of all that is happening. All you need to do is open your eyes and bring yourself out. You do not lose consciousness or go to sleep during hypnosis.

Hypnosis is not brainwashing. If this were true, hypnosis would be 100% effective. Brainwashing involves some kind of deprivation – usually long term and threatening.

So if hypnosis is not any of those things – what is it?

Hypnosis is a relaxed state of mind that puts you in touch with both the conscious and subconscious mind.  During hypnosis, you are able to resolve problems which can help you to overcome parts of your past that are controlling your present.  Hypnosis can help you improve your sports game.  You can use hypnosis to repeat affirmations.  Your subconscious hears them which makes them more effective.  Hypnosis can even heal your body.  Or you can use hypnosis just to relax and overcome some of your stress- consider it a form of meditation.

If you learn nothing else from this post, know that hypnosis is perfectly safe!

Have you been hypnotized?  What was your experience?  Share with us in the Comment Box.  Thanks!

It is 12:45 AM and sleep eludes me.

Have you ever wondered if any of those “alternative” types of therapy really work?  I used to think they only worked on those who were a little what we in Asheville call “wooie-wooie”.  In other words, you had to be a little on the ethereal side of life for these things to have any benefit to you.

I was wrong and I guess I’m writing because I want my readers to understand how well these therapies work and how they can  work for everyone.  Many of them are based on relaxation techniques, or balance and focus, or pressure points on our bodies.   Several of them deal with the subconscious mind.  Others involve aromas and cleansings and even reading the iris of your eye.  Yes, they are endless, and in my opinion very worthwhile.

As I am a certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, as well as a practitioner of NLP and EFT, I see much benefit in dealing with what is held in the subconscious mind.

The Truth - What Is It?

Did you know that the subconscious remembers EVERYTHING that you ever experienced?  That doesn’t mean the conscious mind remembers well, but the subconscious never forgets.  Consequently, we are usually ruled by the subconscious mind.

For example, if money was an issue in your family when you were a child, it is likely that your parents often said things like “you know, money doesn’t grow on trees,” or “you should be thankful you have a roof over your head,” or “we just don’t have the money for that,” or my favorite, “money is the root of all evil.”  How could we ever invite money into our lives if our subconscious mind believes money is evil?  All of these kinds of statements reinforce the lack of money in the subconscious mind.

When we become adults, these statements continue to loop through our mind and our relationship with money is usually on the lacking side.

Another example would be a child who has difficulty on his spelling tests.  His mother might say, “you know, no body in my family knows how to spell very well.”  The conclusion is then that the child will never be able to spell, either.

Such falicies we instill in our children!  Poor spelling skills are not inherited!  A negative relationship with money can only be taught to us.  Yet we allow these impressions from our childhood to take hold of us and keep us from success as adults.

What do we do about it?  Alternative therapies!  If you really have difficulty with some of these issues, consider what was going on around you when you were a child.  What were people saying to you?  What did you learn to believe?  As a child  you were not aware of what these statements did to your subconscious.

It’s time to get these beliefs out of  your life.  Consult someone in your area who understands the subconscious mind and can help you to move beyond your childhood beliefs.

Remember, it is never to late to undo what your mother (or father) did to you.  That translates into:  quit blaming your parents for your life today.  Move on!

Again, I have been away from this site and ask your tolerance of my randomness.

I was surprised that I had received many comments from readers. Thank you for that. However, I do not understand why they are mostly listed under my “about” page. Guess I need to look into that.

To answer a couple of questions:

I am on Hostgator so if loading is slow I am sorry.

Someone said they could not read this. He was using Firefox on a Mac. Interesting – so am I – don’t know why it doesn’t work at your end.

This theme is: dfBlog.  It is available as a standard WordPress install.

In most cases I do not mind approving a comment if it is a comment and not just an attempt to get someone to link to your site. Certainly include your link but don’t make it all about that.

Also, if you are linking to a site I don’t care to advertise or be related to I will delete that.

You can call all of that blog owner’s prerogative.

Moving on – I have been playing around with Numerology lately. It is actually quite fascinating. It is all based on Pythagors’ Theory (think geometry class). It is a very logical, scientific approach.

What I have found is that according to our numbers, my ex and I are not compatible. I wonder why it took us 38 years to figure that out.

My house is a 5 which means it is non-stop, vibrant, alive-almost like a constant party. That does not fit with the rest of me and I find that I have difficulty focusing and accomplishing things since I moved into this house. It’s as if there is always something else going on.

So, I decided to change the number by adding a 3 on my front door, making my house an 8. I was looking for the abundance that comes from living in an 8 house. This is what happened. My electricity went off. Yes, I heard sirens so there must have been a wreck close by. My satellite receiver began turning itself on in the middle of the day or night. For several nights in a row, between 8 and 10, the satellite totally lost its connection and had to reset itself. My dog decided she did not want to be in the room with the TV and all the equipment. My internet went down – actually for 5 days! My water went off and then came back on after about 20 minutes. What do you think?

I took the 3 off my door and am reading again to decide what number would be good for this house. My current thought is that moving is not a bad idea.

If you’d like to read more, get Glynis McCants’ “Glynis Has Your Number.” It’s a very good read.

A couple of articles of interest about Numerology:

Related articles

• How numerology works (holykaw.alltop.com)
• The number game | Matt Parker (guardian.co.uk)
• Your Marriage Compatibility as Per Numerology-free Numerology Tips (socyberty.com)

This afternoon my sister mentioned the last post that I had written as it had included some thoughts on grieving.  We had just recently experienced the unexpected loss of her son.

Anyway, after we hung up the phone I took a look and was surprised that it had been so long since I had written anything on this site.  If you come here often looking for new content – then I apologize to you.

I was with a new group of people last week and we were talking about ourselves in order to get to know each other.  I used the phrase “life got in my way for the last year.”  Someone thought that was a really good phrase.  I guess that is the excuse I would use for not having written here for a while.

It also seems to be the excuse I used for not having gotten myself out into the world much this past year.

I seem to use that phrase often – perhaps as an excuse rather than a reason – I’m not sure.  However, I do know that we all get so involved in what we are doing on a day to day basis that that “normal” life tends to get in the way of our doing something new and different or even unexpected – which is what life is really about.

When is the last time you reached out to someone with a helping hand or a kindness of some sort?  When did you last stop what you were doing to phone someone who was thrilled to hear from you?  When is the last time you actually stopped to answer an e-mail from a dear friend who had asked you how you were doing?

When is the last time you grabbed some food and took the family on an unexpected adventure?  Or how about inviting someone to dinner that you don’t know very well?  Isn’t that what life really should be?

Life – always getting in our way.  Cooking and cleaning, working and transporting children, attending committee meetings or music rehearsals – the list is endless.  I think that we become so consumed with what HAS to be done in order for our lives to not turn into chaos, that we forget to stop and look around us.

Yesterday I came home and was in a hurry to unload my groceries, finish the laundry, get dinner started.  And then I noticed that my neighbor was outside with his English bulldog puppies.  I really hesitated to take the time to go see them as I had so many other things on my mind that I thought HAD to be done NOW!

Well, I did stop. I left the groceries in the car and went right over.  What a great experience!  Cute little puppies that were warm and soft and cuddly.  They loved being held.  They waddled around on their short legs and made me laugh.  Yes, it was an unusual moment but that was living.  And it lifted my spirits for the rest of the evening.

Look at that cute face! How could you not feel good after playing with that?

Image by Shamey Jo via Flickr

I had a moment of living life rather than letting life get in my way.

The old cliche “stop and smell the roses” really is true.

Why not stop and live your life rather than letting your life live you.

Do you ever feel like life is crashing down upon your head?

Everything thing that can happen – does!

I’ve had a month of that which is why I  have been away.  But being around others experiencing the same crashes got me to thinking about how differently people handle the same situation.

Some people fall apart.  Others are stoic and you feel they have no emotion.  Then there are those in between – you know they are upset but they are able to handle it.  And also, you have the ones who have to “hold it together” in order to support those who are falling apart.

Which one are you?

My 43 year old nephew recently died, quite unexpectedly.  I became the person who held herself together in order to support his mother who, quite understandably, did fall apart.  But in the process of supporting her, I seemed to keep too focused on “what had to be done.”  Now that some time has passed I realize that holding back my grief and crying was not good for me.

So why are we all so different?  Obviously, as is often the case, the answer may lie in our past.  We have all had different experiences and different role models in this area.  Perhaps Jane’s mother was highly emotional so she learned to be the opposite.  Or maybe she had a greater connection to her mother by joining in and experiencing that emotional bond with her mother.

Mary was taught to NEVER show any emotion at a great cost.  Her family was stoic and always presented themselves to the world in an “all is wonderful with our family” picture.

And then there are all of those in between – knowing how to show emotion without losing our emotional balance.  So is this group more “emotionally balanced” than the others?

I think not.  I think we all must do what is comfortable for us.  But we all must allow ourselves the time to grieve.

Until next time – on a happier note!

Jeanene

Life is so complex!  We are always dealing with the stress that life brings us.  One of those stressers is STUFF!

How much stuff do you need?  How much stuff do you have?

Stuff takes up an inordinate amount of our time and energy.  Once we purchase it and bring it into our homes, we must then maintain it, insure it, store it, and eventually dispose of it.  Wow – that is a lot of energy used up on having stuff.

I could go the whole route here of cleaning out.  Make your three piles – trash, give away, and must keep.  But I imagine most of you have read those articles before.  So I will leave the cleaning out to you.

What I suggest is that you stop bringing stuff into your life.  Here are a few rules that might help you:

1.  Only bring a material item into your home and your life if you are convinced that you absolutely love it and want to keep it until it is beyond repair.

2.  Make sure that you are willing to invest what is needed for maintenance, insurance, and storage.

3.  Use the “one in – three out” rule.  When you bring one item into your home, three items must leave.  Some use the number five or seven.  If you are just beginning this thinking, you may need to use the one rule.  Bring one thing in – take one thing out.  This way you are replacing and not adding to your stuff.  If you can get up to seven things out for one thing in you will be on your way to a much simpler life.

4.  Remember that these rules apply to your closet, too. 

5.  If you are of a certain age, do your children a favor and clean out your stuff so they do not have to.  They will love you for it!

Just a few steps to get you on your way to a simpler life.  With less stuff to deal with, you can expand your life and become who you are rather than a person tied down with stuff.

Give it a try.  Let me know of your success by leaving a comment.

To a simpler, stress free life!

Have you ever failed at anything in your life? Of course! Everyone has at one time or another. Failure is difficult. What you do with it is what is important.

Do you know that we often need to fail in order to succeed? No one I know goes right into a project and gets it right the very first time. Success is the result of trial and error. That means failing along the way.

However, if you stop at that first or second or even third failure, how can you be sure that the next time would have also been a failure. Maybe that is the top you would have succeeded. Sometimes we need to work at something many times before we are finally successful.

So don’t despair. Everyone fails. And those who fail, but persevere will succeed.

Here’s a great video to remind you of all of this! Think what our world would be if these people had stopped after their first defeat.